Hey hey. It's me again. Finally after a longgggg time, I'm back to this blog. I wrote my last post back in February and now it's December already. Time flies (why I always write this on my every post?). Anyway, I had the thought to delete this blog sooo many times. I thought the content of this blog were so how to say.. trashy? I kept pouring all my feelings on my recent posts. BUT when I think about it again, those were the phases that I went through. Those were the story of how I become the way I am now. I don't want to feel ashamed about it. In the end, I decide to keep this blog. I admit that my reasons for starting this blog were so wrong. And now, I don't want to consider about those reasons anymore. I don't want to think about how many views that I will get, the followers that will follow this blog, whether I will become a famous blogger or if I'm gonna get the perks of being a blogger any time soon, ANYMORE. I just want to have a fresh start with a good reason which is to inspire people. It's not that I want to be an influencer, motivator or whatsoever. And I'm not sure how I will do this or whether I am able to this or not. What I do know now is I just want to keep writing :)
My last post was soooo gloomy. When I read all the post that I had wrote, I realized I was so unstable back then. I don't know why. Maybe because I had to much free time. I spent it unwisely and so unproductive. I sort of became an antisocial. One of my classmates once said "what do you usually do after the class? I rarely see you outside. It feels like you're vanished after the class." That how antisocial I was. I usually spent my time back then by watching movies, read manga and surfed the internet. Basically just spent the rest of my time in my room. Even if I ever went outside, it was just to buy some food. It was fun but if you keep doing all those things all day, you will feel bored, unhealthy because you sit all the time and it's just doesn't feel good anymore. I am so grateful still have my sister by my side. We go to the same university, we live in same room. That was the reason why my mind still sane back then because I still have social life with my sister.
I am a thinker. When I do nothing, I usually spend my time thinking about my life and stuffs. Due to my unproductive times back then, negative thoughts kept coming inside my mind and that's so unhealthy. So I changed the way I live. During my summer holiday, luckily, I found a job as a English teacher that requires me to interact with other people. I still doing that job till now. Even though it's a bit hard to manage my time among my school, work and club; Especially if the club that I join has an event (like now), the time are all clashing. It makes me have to really think about the decision that I have to make to manage those times But I am happy with myself now. My mind becomes healthy and positive. I never think about negative thoughts again since then, or questioned myself about my relationship anymore. I once asked my BF whether he likes me busy like this or he likes me when I have many free times. He said he likes me busy because he doesn't have to deal with all my questions about our relationship and all my negativity. These busyness doesn't give my mind a break to think about unimportant stuffs because I have to think about school, assignments, what and how should I teach the next class, when do I have time to relax (haha). Even if it has, it's the time for my mind to relax and enjoy its free time. Now I fill my free time with my friends, had sleepover for the first time in my life during my third year of university, eat together with them, become close and share our feelings together. I feel so blessed with my life right now. I am so grateful that I found that job, still keep doing it because hey I get a new experience and learn so many things from it .
That's my story of how I have my healthy mind. Whoever read this post, I hope that this post can make you more productive and spend your time wisely. You can't go back to those times that already flew behind you (except if someday those scientists successfully invent a time machine). Don't just regret the bad things that you had done. You have to keep moving forward, become a better person, and believe that tomorrow is a new beautiful day for you. Productive life makes your mind healthy. Have a nice day :)